hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
