When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
