if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
