just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
