Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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