There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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