community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize