i just sent this text using only my big toe
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
