Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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