i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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