"it" just moved
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
