I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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