Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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