His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You can't just leave with hair like that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
