Umm I'm too high to move.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
