We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this hospital has no fireball
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
