PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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