Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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