The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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