she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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