Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Jerry, you need to find god
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize