I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
