Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
