Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
