i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize