I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
