No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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