i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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