She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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