And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
