My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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