Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
