Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
