I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
