I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
