She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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