You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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