i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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