Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
