So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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