He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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