cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
