the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
