so let's talk penis.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize