we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
