I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
