i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
