Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
