he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
