My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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