Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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