I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
