Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize