I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
