If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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