Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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