just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize