I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't turn off my feet"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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