i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize