You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
