if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize