Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
