You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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