WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize