Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
