cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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