You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
