I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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