y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
