If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
