I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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