I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
