I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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