Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
