i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
