i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
