dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
