Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
