I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
