Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
