God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
