he puts the penis in happiness.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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