there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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