This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
