I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
