If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
