he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
