he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His nipple licking is glorious
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