How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
