its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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