I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
